A group of Americans was touring Ireland.
One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining.
The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible.
It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said.
"Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it.
Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We have some other boring tour to go on.
So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining.
The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible.
It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said.
"Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it.
Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We have some other boring tour to go on.
So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
* * * * * * * * * *
Gardening made easy!
An old man living alone in South Armagh,
whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison,
didn't have anyone to dig his garden for his potatoes.
So he wrote to his son about his predicament.
The son sent the reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE,
don't dig the garden up, that's where I buried
the guns!!!!!"
At 3 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers
turned up and dug the garden for 3 hours,
but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him
what had happened, asking him what he should do now?
The son sent the reply: "NOW plant the potatoes!"
An old man living alone in South Armagh,
whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison,
didn't have anyone to dig his garden for his potatoes.
So he wrote to his son about his predicament.
The son sent the reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE,
don't dig the garden up, that's where I buried
the guns!!!!!"
At 3 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers
turned up and dug the garden for 3 hours,
but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him
what had happened, asking him what he should do now?
The son sent the reply: "NOW plant the potatoes!"
* * * * * * * * * *
When Clinton visited the Pope, he noticed a red
phone on a small table in the corner of the office.
After several minutes of conversation, Clinton asked
the Pope what the red phone was.
The Holy Father told him that it was a very special
phone with a direct line to God. However, the Pope
told Clinton he rarely used it because it cost
$20,000 a minute from the Vatican.
Clinton accepted this explanation without another thought.
Later, when Clinton visited Ireland, he saw another
red phone in the Archbishop’s office. Being curious,
Clinton asked the Archbishop what it was used for.
The Archbishop told Clinton it was a direct line to God,
and he used it whenever he had a puzzling question or concern.
Clinton asked if the calls were quite expensive since
the Pope had to pay $20,000 a minute when he used
his red phone in the Vatican.
"Oh no," replied the Archbishop, "In Ireland it’s a local call."
phone on a small table in the corner of the office.
After several minutes of conversation, Clinton asked
the Pope what the red phone was.
The Holy Father told him that it was a very special
phone with a direct line to God. However, the Pope
told Clinton he rarely used it because it cost
$20,000 a minute from the Vatican.
Clinton accepted this explanation without another thought.
Later, when Clinton visited Ireland, he saw another
red phone in the Archbishop’s office. Being curious,
Clinton asked the Archbishop what it was used for.
The Archbishop told Clinton it was a direct line to God,
and he used it whenever he had a puzzling question or concern.
Clinton asked if the calls were quite expensive since
the Pope had to pay $20,000 a minute when he used
his red phone in the Vatican.
"Oh no," replied the Archbishop, "In Ireland it’s a local call."
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